This article was originally published on 24/7Mirror
Television journalists go to college for years and then do a variety of odd jobs at television networks before they finally land their big break and get to read the news on air. The news they end up reading is typed into a teleprompter which is supposed to make their job easier, but sometimes the person responsible for the teleprompter doesn't exactly get the prompts right. The following are some of the funniest news captions that could have been right but went oh so wrong. Imagine being in those journalists' shoes when these happened!
News Update: It Is Possible To Be Killed To Death
There comes a time in every news anchor's life when they have to report on a crime that sadly involves death. Most of the time, the reporter just relays the details of the story, and the news captions sums it up in a sentence. Whoever was on the teleprompter that day must have forgotten that there is such a thing as a double negative. According to the rules of grammar, if the verb 'to kill' is used it implies that the person is indeed dead.
You cannot be killed to death, because you are in fact already dead. Someone needs to brush up on their grammar.
Squirrels Can Be Used As Weapons In The Hands Of The Right Woman
This caption raises a lot of questions right away. Usually, when a person is stabbed, it is not with an animal, let alone a squirrel that doesn't have any sharp sides. A blunt object, or in this case, an animal would be a pretty ineffective weapon, which makes us think there might be a typo here. This woman must have been pretty upset if the first thing she grabbed was a squirrel.
This story sounds like a Disney plotline gone bad, where the princess uses her magical animal friends to take care of Prince Charming for being naughty.
Always Remember To Buckle Up And Drink And Drive, Not
As the ones in charge of delivering important news, networks have to make sure that they always give good advice and ensure that it follows all laws in the jurisdiction. Memorial Day weekend is one of the most fun in America, and everyone gears up for barbecues full of food and a few adult beverages. If there is one thing all people should avoid doing that weekend it is drinking and driving.
Instead of promoting designated drivers for the long weekend, this network decided to promote drinking and driving as long as you have your seatbelt buckled. Whoever wrote this caption must have had a real talking to after it aired!
Sometimes The Whole Picture Involves A Charging Cat Roaring
One of the most popular types of news broadcasting is to play a 9-1-1 call, and show the back and forth exchange between the caller and the dispatcher. In one exchange that was broadcast, it appeared that a cat decided to attack its owners in their bedroom. Felines tend to run hot and cold when it comes to their human companions, and clearly, this cat was pretty angry. We're not sure it warranted a 9-1-1 call unless it was a tiger.
In true broadcasting glory, the cat's 'voice' was recorded and played for the audience to hear. Naturally, all the cat had to say was, "Raaarrrr!'
A Walmart Toilet Crisis And The Glue That Held The Story Together
Not all public restrooms are built the same. Some have fancy features like cloth hand towels, perfume, and body lotion free for anyone to use. Then, there are the public washrooms in a place like Walmart, where according to this caption you may or may not end up literally glued to a toilet seat. If there is one takeaway from this caption that we should all think about it is that you should always watch out for glue.
Before you plop down on a public toilet seat, make sure there is no super glue that will dry as you use the toilet. This is one situation nobody wants to be broadcasted, no matter how funny it is.
Beware Of Predator Chihuahuas According To The News
There are certain dog breeds that tend to make it on to the news, and usually for not great reasons like attacks. One breed that rarely makes the news though is the Chihuahua. These little guys are known for being the kind of pooches that fit in purses, not for being predators that people need to watch out for. This little 'predator' and his pink collar are clearly pretty menacing.
This little dog doesn't look like he could harm a small child, let alone an adult. Maybe he has some hidden tricks up his doggy sleeve.
Beware Of This Serial Stabber And Their Choice Of Body Part
Now, this caption is just plain odd. Usually, a serial killer has a mode of operation, especially if they fit into the organized category. The person behind the attacks mentioned in this caption has a certain proclivity for the posteriors of their victims. If this caption is going to teach the world one thing, it is always to watch your back. You never know when someone might be coming after you.
It doesn't sound like this serial stabber wasn't fatally wounding anyone though, which is a positive thing. Perhaps they just got a little over-excited when watching people walk away.
Is It Breaking In If Your Name Is On The Building?
After a long day at work, everyone enjoys sitting back and relaxing. For Bud Weisser, all he wanted to do was enjoy a can of his favorite beverage, Budweiser beer. Instead of driving to the store to grab a six-pack, he decided to go straight to the source. We are pretty sure that Mr. Bud here is not a direct descendant of the Budweiser family, but his name is pretty close.
Just because your name is on the building, doesn't mean you will be granted entrance though. Mr. Bud won't be getting any cold beers where he is headed after being caught trespassing.
There Is Such A Thing As Too Much Of A Good Thing
A prison is a tough place to be. Inmates are kept busy by working jobs at the facility, going to classes, and anything else that might catch their fancy. For one prisoner, he found that there was one hobby that really helped him to pass the time. If you guessed drawing, then try again. No, this prisoner, according to the caption really enjoyed underwear, to the point where it became an addiction.
This caption raises a lot of questions. Did the prisoner like to eat underwear? How would you overdose on underwear? We really hope this was further explained during this breaking news segment.
Thanks To South Park The Disease Known As Gingervitis Was Born
Humans are lucky enough to have hair that comes in all sorts of shades of blonde, brunette, black, and red. Red hair or 'ginger' hair as it is more fondly referred to has been a constant source of jokes for many comedians and television shows. In 2005, "South Park" aired an episode in which the disease known as 'Gingervitis' was introduced. Obviously, this disease only applies to people with red hair.
As soon as that episode aired, which included a segment about gingers having no souls, a certain holiday was also born. Poor ginger Aaron got to experience firsthand what it means to be a ginger in a post-Gingervitis era.
Welcome To The No Pants Party Where There Is Only One Rule
Is there anything worse than having to sit around in a tight pair of pants for 8+ hours a day? Anyone who has a desk job knows just how uncomfortable it can be to feel like you are having all of your organs slowly squeezed as you tap away at a keyboard. In recent years, the no-pants movement has really taken off, and this is a movement most people can get behind.
Pants are okay, but flowy clothes or no pants at all is the way of the future. This woman is definitely onboard with no pants parties.
The Tomorrow War In Real Life With Veteran Don Krasin
Amazon Prime's "The Tomorrow War" with Chris Pratt is all about a war going on in the future, and according to this caption, veteran Don Krasin might just be who that character was based on. Last time we checked, there had only been two world wars, not eleven. Whoever was in charge of captioning that day clearly misunderstood the assignment. You can spell World War I like this or World War II like this.
You never use numbers, which anyone who has finished middle school history would know. Hopefully, this isn't a caption that is telling us what the future holds!
Meet Beezow Doo-Doo Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop A Man With A Futuristic Name
Some countries are very particular about what parents can name their children. In fact, certain governments will even tell parents they have to change a name if it is too unusual. In other places, you can legally change your name to whatever you want it to be. Looking at Mr. Beezow's full name, we have to wonder if he chose it himself or if his parents decided to give it to him.
Either way, Elon Musk, and Grimes must have seen this name and taken some inspiration from it for their own baby's very unique name.
Rolling Up To The Club In An EMS Ambulance
When Friday night rolls around, it is time to get dressed up and hit the club which is exactly what this homeless man decided to do. The only problem was that he didn't have a cool ride to get him from his current location to the club he wanted to spend the evening at. That's when he noticed the EMS ambulance that looked like a chariot just waiting for him to nab.
Stealing anything is never a good idea, but stealing an ambulance definitely goes down in history as a very poor decision. Luckily, no one was injured during this segment of grand theft auto.
Diets Come In All Different Shapes And Sizes As Does The Food
Some of these news captions just leave us scratching our heads. Here we have a man who was forced to eat his own beard. There is no back story, just this guy, who still has a beard. The fact that he still has a beard is somewhat suspicious. Was he sporting a long Gandalf-esque beard before he started eating it? Also, it remains pretty unclear why he was forced to eat his beard.
Perhaps he was hiking and he ran out of food, and only his beard hair was available for a quick snack. It would be great to know exactly what happened here.
Every Good Search Party Needs An Appropriately Named Captain
Search parties are conducted when a person goes missing or there is a person of interest in a case that cannot be located. These are usually community-led initiatives, and everyone spreads out in a grid-like manner to search large areas of land that may be uninhabited. Now, this caption tells us that something very important went missing, and if you are Joey Tribbiani from "Friends" this is exactly the kind of search party you would have.
We all know the iconic scene where a car backfires, and Joey tries to save his sandwich, rather than his friend Ross. It seems that a sandwich has gone missing in this community, and this captain of the missing sandwich is going to find out.
In A Surprising Turn Of Events Two Dead Are Found Dead
Sometimes it seems like the world is full of bad news. This is one of the reasons that feel-good human interest stories exist. Everyone loves hearing about a kitten that got stuck in a tree and had to be rescued by some kind fireman. The captions for those stories also tend to make sense, unlike this one that is related to two people passing away, who because they passed away were found passed away.
The logic behind this caption just isn't there. The person who wrote this should have simply said, "Two people were found dead."
Reporters Always Need To Ask Hard Hitting Questions About Sandwiches
In this day and age, it is very important to be politically correct but sometimes that might be taken just a little bit too far. Peanut butter and jam sandwiches have been a lunchtime staple for many people in North America. All of that delicious peanut butter just melds together with the jam to make a sandwich that always hits the spot. However, someone clearly got confused about the political correctness of PB & J sandwiches.
These little sandwiches don't see color and are a staple for all groups of people. The person who wrote this caption just wanted to be provocative, and they definitely succeeded.
Watch Yourself And Block Yourself From Stabbings With A Cheeseburger
Everyone has their favorite burger joint. Maybe it is fast food like McDonald's, or maybe it is a small local greasy spoon that serves patties straight off of the grill. When you think about cheeseburgers, you don't really think about it as armor from a stabbing attack. If we have read this caption right, then that is exactly what a cheeseburger is though. It can save a life if used correctly.
The next time you are in a precarious situation or a shady part of town, arm yourself with a trusty cheeseburger. It might just stop a knife from piercing your skin.
Squirrel Versus The Yogurt Cup: Who Will Win In The Ultimate Showdown?
Disney movies have always made out that woodland creatures are adorable little animals that should be respected and protected at all costs. Using this logic, it makes sense that a squirrel who got its head stuck in an old yogurt cup would be breaking news for this community. After all, the little guy clearly needed a helping hand to get him out of this sticky situation in this flower-filled meadow.
The caption itself is a play on a Brazilian viral video that made waves back in 2007. This squirrel video is a lot more kid-friendly though, which makes it ten times better.
Why Get A Job When You Can Be The Dude With Sweet Hair
Reality shows always display what kind of job the contestant has which is supposed to make audiences more interested in them. The same goes for the news when they interview people in the studio and on the street. Sometimes people don't have jobs though, and the captioning team needs to get creative when it comes to explaining why this person is being interviewed, which is how Ben Parker got this sweet tagline.
Ben doesn't appear to have a job, but he does have a pretty magnificent mane of hair. It makes sense that he is known as the "Dude with sweet hair."
The Case Of The Changed Shirt, A Real Life Horror Story
Right off the bat, we know there is a back story with this caption. Joe here had to change his shirt, which was clearly an upsetting moment for him. There must have been something on his shirt that caught the attention of a lot of people, and we really want to know what it was. If we had to guess, it must have had some politically incorrect phrase printed on it, or perhaps it was too revealing.
One thing we know for sure is that Joe had to change his shirt, which is newsworthy. Nobody likes being forced to do anything, let alone change out of their favorite shirt.
The Angriest Man On The Block Speaks Out About Nothing
Neighborhoods are very different all over the world, and even in the same city. Socio-economic status plays a part in this, but so do political beliefs, religion, and a wide variety of other things that bring a community together or apart. For Joe, something in his community had him fuming, and the reporter nearby was on hand to capture that moment in what must have been a very explosive interview judging by the caption.
Everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame, and this caption has given Joe a lot more than that. He will go down in caption history as 'one angry guy.'
There Is Nothing Worse Than Forgetting The Cheese Whiz
When it comes to big holiday weekends like Thanksgiving and Christmas, people always head to grocery stores to pick up whatever ingredients they will need for their feasts. J.C. over here had to go shopping but forgot one crucial ingredient as he grabbed some last-minute groceries. Somehow he forgot the spreadable cheese-like substance known as Cheez Whiz which made him newsworthy. Unlike the one angry man, J.C. doesn't seem too bothered.
Maybe he opted to buy real cheese instead, like a nice brie or a soft goat's cheese. Sometimes it is better to go with the real deal for the holidays.
Human Remains Are The Missing Ingredient For These Delicious Recipes
Life is all about timing. For example, sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time, or you slot in the wrong caption at a very inopportune moment. When human remains are found, unless they are associated with cannibalism, it is probably best not to have a segway into where to find some new recipes. Last time we checked, human remains are not the missing ingredient needed to make a recipe work.
Whoever was in the production room that day should have caught this caption. It isn't exactly tactful, considering this person must have been missing and their remains had just been found.
Some People Have Seen It All And Lived To Tell The Tale
Some people are wise beyond their years, while others simply assume because they have lived for a lot of years that they must be wise. For a few generations, they remember a time before CDs, the internet, and social media. Those were simpler times in which people sent telegrams or letters and these generations have seen a lot more than the newer ones. However, nobody has ever 'seen it all.'
Unless Norman here has a time machine and has been visiting all of the centuries without telling the world, he definitely has not 'seen it all.'
Lyrical Geniuses Make The Best Rappers And End Up With Allegations
In recent decades, there are a few public figures who have been featured in the media, and not for positive reasons. They say all publicity is good publicity, but that is definitely not the case. When actor and comedian Bill Cosby made it onto the news for some rather unsavory incidents, this news channel decided to do a story on it. However, a small spelling error made the story a lot more innocent.
Cosby might be a great rapper, who knows? We are inclined to believe this is just a misspelled word, but it definitely makes for a good caption.
Everybody Needs A Hobby And That Includes Being A Sock Enthusiast
As soon as Thanksgiving wraps up in November, it is time to start thinking about the holiday season in December. For some people, this means buying lots of presents in preparation. It can be hard to select the perfect gift, but for Jimmy, there is obviously only one thing he really wants. If you guessed socks, then you would be right! Jimmy here is what is known as a sock enthusiast.
A sock enthusiast is someone who loves socks, more so, that say pants. Maybe Jimmy has a sock collection and has hundreds of pairs just waiting to be worn.
Beware Of Dark Spaces And Children In Chuck E. Cheese's
Every country has a restaurant chain geared towards children. These are places that have giant jungle gyms, movie theaters, and pizza parlors just waiting for a horde of children to descend on them for a good time. One thing that is typically not associated with one of these places is attacks, which is what makes this caption a bit off. Apparently, Barbie did not have a fun time at the play place.
We do have a few questions though. Was it someone dressed as Chuck E. Cheese who attacked, or was it a swarm of children all hopped up on sugar?
Stinky Situations Can Really Get People Down In The Dumps
Once in a blue moon, there are some pretty disgusting raw sewage accidents that happen. For one man, he recently got splattered with sewage that was released from an airplane while in transit. Both he and his garden got some free fertilizer, which was far from ideal. Phil seems to be a raw sewage victim as well, and it's a bit of a smell claim to fame if we do say so.
At least Phil had time to get cleaned up before he had to go on camera, otherwise, it would have been some real on the scene reporting for whoever covered this.
A Self Proclaimed Cool Kid Must Be Pretty Darn Cool
Usually, nicknames are given to people, they don't give them to themselves. Everyone wants to be cool, but it is not something you can really work at. You either are or you aren't, but Robert here decided to just go for it, and say he is cool. It takes a lot of confidence to just proclaim yourself as a cool kid, especially when you are closer to being an adult than a child.
More power to this cool cat though, obviously he has the confidence to become cool in the future, even if it is just wishful thinking at the moment.
Just Another 'Boring' Toddler Memorial Caught On The Daily News
Sad things happen every day, but so do many wonderful things as well. The news captures all of these moments, and in a particularly sad one, it broadcast a toddler's funeral and the eulogy one of the family members read. We don't mean to poke fun at this sad moment, but somebody got the caption very wrong. Instead of focusing on the somber occasion, they captioned it as a boring one.
Hopefully, the parents did not see this screenshot, as it will not be a moment they want to remember.
It's Important To Always Remember Your Left And Right Sides
News anchors always show up in promotional television spots and advertisements for their morning and evening shows. Usually, they are advertised with their names, as that name recognition is what helps to draw viewers in and increase ratings. Instead of captioning who each ancho was on the evening news, someone simply left the placeholder text in. It does make it a lot easier to tell left from right with these handy captions.
This would be a good learning moment for children. Figuring out left from right takes time, and if they can read, they can use these captions to practice.
Getting Arrested During A Haircut Has Some Unforeseen Consequences
People get into tussles over all sorts of things. Maybe the hairdresser looked at the client in the wrong way, or maybe they commented on something they shouldn't have. What we have here is a failure to communicate something important. David here was getting a nice haircut when things went awry and he got into a scuffle with some unnamed person. The result is a haircut half-finished which makes for a very comedic mugshot.
Maybe when he got to prison, someone shaved down the other side. Nobody should have to go through life with only half a barber cut complete.
A Little Bit Of Creative Math Never Hurt Anybody Right?
The one thing that the news is always expected to do is to report the facts. That means being unbiased, and only reporting exactly what happened in specific situations. Math sometimes plays a part in this, as polling numbers are often shown during elections and for other major government actions. This poll asked an important question to the people of Scotland, "Should Scotland be independent?" Many people responded, but the math didn't exactly make sense.
As far as we know, basic addition doesn't work here. 52 plus 58 is 110, and it isn't possible for 110 percent of Scotland to answer a question.